im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
