I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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