Life is so much better after having sex.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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