it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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