my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize