so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
