Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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