My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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