It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
