these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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