where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
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