I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I need water and some morals
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
