I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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