you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
