I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
