Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
