i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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