I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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