apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
COCAINE IS GR8
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
