Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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