the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
