Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
