Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
