jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
