i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
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