1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
