Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
