I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Randomize
