I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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