If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
