Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Randomize
