Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Randomize
