Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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