holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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