I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Randomize
