Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
