I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
A bitchslap is in order.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
