You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
We were destined to go to rehab together
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
