I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
