I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
