I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
