thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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