Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
