you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize