I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
