i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
