He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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