i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
