i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
