I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
