Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
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