my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize