A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
