i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
