I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Randomize
