sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
