i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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