I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
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