Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
