he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
