So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
