Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
