Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Just invented taco cereal.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
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