On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize