Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
