Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
The uberlube is also flammable
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
