I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
ok first of all what the fuck
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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