If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Randomize
