they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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